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London Falling

  Oye British politician somberly appearing on television and declaring “I am absolutely gutten and heartbroken,” SHOW, DON’T TELL. After discovering Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in a box, did Brad Pitt simply SAY, “I am angry, very angry” or did he ACT it out? Television audience deserve better. Learn to wear your heart on your sleeve […]

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If I were the protagonist’s best friend, I’d be the one with the theories

Question: When do women find a man attractive? Wrong Answers: When he’s kind, when he’s funny, when he’s smart, when he’s good looking, when he’s athletic, when he has a towering intellect, when he’s tall, when he pays attention, when he pays for travel, when he knows his way around tools- both kinds, when he […]

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Rabbit Hole

(Before John Oliver had a take on the wall, I too had a take on the wall- but I couldn’t see why I should have a take on the wall. So even if I had a take on the wall, I confined it to the drafts folder- until today, when I saw John Oliver’s take […]

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Stretch McKenzie

An actress, I won’t say which, was lounging by the side of the pool. We were rumored to share the same birthday, this actress and I, but sharing a birthday isn’t quite the same as sharing a bed, as we all know, and those rumors devoid of any substance to begin with turned out to […]

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Untitled

If I sing No Dames in a room full of women will they know enough to be offended? White boys be like close that front door, you’re going to let in the cold; black boys be like close that front door, you’re going to let in the flies. Getting up is a struggle. Some use […]

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The passing game

Would you like to go sailing? I don’t know, I can’t swim. You’ll be fine, I’ll get you a life jacket. Would you like to go for a drive? I don’t know, I can’t drive. What do you mean you can’t drive? Everyone I know is either over 18 and driving legally or under 18 […]

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Learning French via Kendrick

Martin avait un reve Martin avait un reve Kendrick avoir un reve Toute ma vie je veux de l’argent et le pouvoir respecter mon esprit ou mourir de la douche de plomb Je prie ma verge obtenir grand que la tour Eiffel donc je peux foutre du monde pendant soixante-dix deux heures Putain je me […]

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