Fast Five

Miscarriage of Justice

A: We should go to Cape Canaveral. There’s a shuttle launch.
B: But it’s five hours away.
A: We can take the jet.
B: It’s five hours away by jet.
A: I’ll fly.
B: It’s not that I mind flying, I can’t leave the State.
A: You have to change your lawyer, man. One drunken brawl and you can’t leave the State? Talk about miscarriage of justice.
B: Let’s do something closer to home.
A: We can volunteer to read books for the blind kids…
B: I’d rather make a donation. That gives me an idea. I should ask my lawyer if donations count towards community service.

The Lottery

X: Fifty bucks if you know what ‘It follows’ is.
D: Fifty bucks? I can’t even get my shirt ironed for that. I say, raise.
X: Can’t, man. My accountant says I shouldn’t bet more than fifty a pop.
D: Stop being such a conformist. That selfish bastard is probably looking out for his salary.
X: Actually, he works for us pro bono. There was this lottery that I won, and the prize was a free accountant.
D: That’s rad, bro… Isn’t Bono the lead singer of U2?
X: Yes, they call it pro bono because of him.
D: Hmm, that makes sense. Must be like how they got carte blanche from Cate Blanchett.
X: Dude, we should totally go see Cinderella.
D: Can’t go unless we are accompanied by a girl. The theatre won’t let us in otherwise.
A: Let’s hire an escort. My dad gets a discount.

The one with the Gun (short)

C: Shit shit shit, I’ve got an exam in an hour and gun to my head, I know nothing. Nada. What have I been doing the whole semester? Or even the past week? Or even yesterday? Why do I always have to wake up with no bullets in the middle of a gunfight?
L: Just shave and tuck-in your shirt. You’ll be fine. Mama always said that, God bless her soul.
C (exasperated): Did someone put a bullet in her head? Please tell me someone put a bullet in her head.

New York Herald Tribune

M: There are two kinds of people in this world- those who watch and those who do. All you ever do is watch and write about movies. I am so sick and tired of you and your movie outings. If it’s a Truffaut film festival this week, it’s Godard the next. And your bucket list is just as pathetic- Toronto film festival and Cannes? Don’t you have any desire to actually do something?
T: Like jump out of a plane or ski down a mountain?
M: Exactement. Admiration is the only verb you seem to be familiar with.
T (throwing up his arms):  You certainly never mind when I make YOU the object of my admiration.
M (glaring): I want someone who is capable of things more than mere admiration. I would appreciate it if you can vacate the apartment. I am done living with someone who lives the life of an imprisoned and invalid old man. Oh, and take that fucking Breathless poster with you. I am sick and tired of having to compete against that New York Herald Tribune-selling-French-speaking-American-accented whore.
T: I am going to pretend you never said that- for the sake of your own dignity. Also, that’s the second time you have used the phrase ‘sick and tired’ in this conversation. You should maybe work on your adjectives.


Time’s Arrow

(PS: If you can’t make heads and tails of this piece, google the title.)

D: It literally has conversations that go like this.
E: Well, why haven’t I heard of this before? I love such wacky stuff!
D: For the trapped person, who’s our narrator, it’s like watching an entire movie by pressing the rewind button.
E: Whaat!
D: Strictly speaking, it’s nothing more than the biography of an ordinary man, but it’s written from the perspective of a different person who’s trapped inside the man and experiences that life backwards.
E: No, should I? What’s it about?
D: Have you read the Martin Amis novel called ‘Time’s Arrow’?


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