The Country With The Dragon Fixation

 

The year of the Dragon is here. It may not mean much to you and me, but to the Chinese? ha! think again. Rare is a Chinese couple which did not conceive keeping the Dragon year in mind. The Chinese want their children to be born in the year of the Dragon and since, to quote a giddy pregnant lady, “it comes but once every 12 years”, almost all of them have taken extra measures to make it happen.

The thing is Chinese consider Dragon babies to be auspicious/lucky and destined to be successful. They’re also believed to be born smarter and of a higher intellect than those born during the non-Dragon years, like, say, the Rat babies.

<cricket> I, for one, hope cricketers learned how to plan conceptions from these Chinese mamas. The trick, you see, is to have the wife/girlfriend deliver during the off-season. The more dashing and confident ones can probably even aim to have the wife deliver during the 4th day of a test match, if India happen to be the team visiting. </cricket>

But, ironically, it so happens that the Dragon babies will, in fact, be severely handicapped compared to the (yeah, you’ve guessed it) non-Dragon babies. Yup, even the Rat babies will have it better. Why? Well, there’s invariably a population boom and because of that more children in a single class, and because of that a more unfavorable student-teacher ratio, and because of that, in all probability, poorer quality of education.

Anyhoo, when has superstition given a rat’s ass, or a dragon’s ass for that matter, about statistics? The legend lives on! (much to the chagrin of a certain Justice Katju. Or is he only concerned about Indians?)

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The Chinese want Dragon babies. Quick, corner the diaper market. You know how classic Hollywood villains corner the essentials and trigger a world war, right? Well, this is something like that, but luckily for you, the trigger has already been pulled by a Dragon. Wait a minute, are you a Dragon baby too? 😉

The Chinese want Dragon babies. Best gift you can give your Chinese friend- a Blu-ray/DVD of  ‘How to Train Your Dragon’. (I can totally imagine Seth Meyers doing this joke in his SNL bit.)

The Chinese want Dragon babies. I had no idea Fincher was so big in China. Wait a minute, now I get why there was that unprecedented amount of growth of Chinese on social networks last year.

The Chinese want Dragon babies. Somewhere, the alert heads of a studio owning the rights to the Dragonball franchise are planning a 3D re-release. Toy Story did it, Lion King did it, Beauty and the Beast did it, why not Dragonball?

The Chinese want Dragon babies. Irrepressible population growth? OMG! the Mayans were right.

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Those that didn’t make it

The Chinese want Dragon babies. This can mean only one thing- surplus labor. That would translate into lower wages for those assembling your iPhone 25 and iPad 22. Yay! killer offers in the offing.

The Chinese want Dragon babies. Raw material imports have shot up and the Bellary Bros. have become richer than the Ambani Bros. To put the symbolic cherry on top, the Bellary Bros. bought Mumbai Indians from the elder Ambani. Nita Ambani was none too pleased and Mukesh, in order to placate the wife, bought her Alaska. He wanted to get her Hawaii but he couldn’t out bid Siddharth Mallya. (The Republicans, concerned over mounting fiscal deficit, had decided to auction distant territories.)

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