Humor on the net

A couple of funny* things i  came across while browsing. The disclaimer is nothing but just plain old sense but ‘better safe than sorry’, right.

Disclaimer:- Things which i find funny needn’t necessarily appear funny to everyone.

Funny article 1:- Lifted with no permission from CNN’s blog

A lot of people found the following material tasteless, and a worthy contender for the worst piece of writing category at the Razzies (if ever there was to be such a category). I personally felt the humor was on the lines of what i try to incorporate in my posts.

Title:- Bad Oscar Speeches

History is littered with the detritus of terrible Oscar speeches. Gwyneth Paltrow anyone? 

Winners are inevitably overcome, talk far too long, sob too much and generally just make you want to hit the mute button before your brain melts.

That charismatic, dreamboat of a person you idolized becomes a make-up smudged shadow of their screen glory with all the appeal of a screaming banshee (men and women).

With the Oscars only weeks away and keeping the above in mind, I’ve decided to pen my own Oscar speech just in case the day ever comes…

“Oh God. WOW. This is LIKE soooo amazing. I am a WINNER, which makes you all LOSERS. Oops, sorry. It makes a lot of you losers. I mean, what I wanted so say, is that this is just, I think, like, probably, the best moment in my life — no offense to my wife – but she knows what I’m all about.

“And that’s glory, and now I have it. Being a winner like me takes hard work, it has been back-breaking at times. I mean, some of you guys know what it’s like, $15 million a picture doesn’t spread that far these days. And working half the year in exotic locations is not what everyone imagines. And then there’s the week of humanitarian work a year; God! Sick and hungry people are such a drain aren’t they?

“Anyway, I digress, I’d like to thank everyone I’ve ever known though they’ve actually contributed nothing to my success — I got me here. I’m the one who does the acting.

“Some critics have called me the acting talent of my generation and, I have to say, I think they’re on the money.

“Which is why you losers, sorry, I mean the other people I have been delighted to beat to the best actor nod, shouldn’t be too downtrodden. You’ve done quite well actually. I’m not going to namecheck you all, because frankly, while I know your names, I can’t be bothered and I don’t really like you.

“I think I’ll put old Oscar here on the mantle piece next to the picture of me with Barack Obama. Obviously he and I have a lot in common, like winning, and I like to feel we’re on the same page when it comes to policy in the Middle East.

“Anyway, to cap off: I’m the winner here and fully expect to be back next year so don’t even bother renting yourself a suit. By the way, do you like mine? Aren’t you going to give me the obligatory standing ovation?”

End of copyright infringement.

Now then, what kind of people are they who find it non-hilarious? Do these people need an emergency dose of sense of humor or are these types better left alone, to become life long whiner(s) ? 

2) Funny forum talk:-

What makes the following IMDB forum discussion funny, is the innocence/ignorance/dumbness behind it

 

Board: Emmanuelle Chriqui

 

View: thread | flat | inline | nest  

Gay?
  by DaniSwiftknife   (Sun Jun 15 2008 22:56:17)
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Does anyone know if she’s gay? She plays a lesbian or bisexual in a few roles…and it’s not specified if the architect is a guy or a girl..just that she’s dating an architect… 

I was just curious. 

and spare me on the ‘well, tom hanks played a gay guy in Philadelphia, does that mean he’s gay?’ thing…because I’m legitimately curious if anyone knows.

 
Re: Gay?
  by LiveRocker   (Mon Jun 16 2008 12:20:28)
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She is NOT gay. I can assure you of this… 

LiveRocker

 
Re: Gay?
  by FilmJunkie24-1   (Tue Jun 17 2008 08:48:45)
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im sure she’s straight..but no one really knows…Hell Tom Hanks just might be gay plenty of guys are married with kids but are still gay
 
Re: Gay?
  by DaniSwiftknife   (Wed Jun 18 2008 13:00:39)
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I was just asking for some credentials/proof what have you…something more than speculation….
 
Re: Gay?
  by a1991   (Wed Jun 18 2008 13:02:56)
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http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/emmanuelle-chriqui-interview?page= 2 

The interviewer asks, “Did your boyfriend ever bristle at your working with only men?” 

Emmanuelle answers, “No. We’ve been together for five years, and it’s something you discuss in the beginning. If someone can’t accept that, it’s a problem. But HE’S an architect and HE’S very secure and successful in HIS own life. He knows that what I do for my job is just work.”

 
Re: Gay?
  by wrs_snd   (Sat Jun 21 2008 13:56:55)
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Well, her bio on here DOES say that she is bilingual…
 
Re: Gay?
  by DAMIAN001   (Sun Jun 22 2008 15:58:00)
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Bilingual means you speak two languages dumbass.
 
Re: Gay?
  by FilmJunkie24-1   (Sun Jun 22 2008 21:09:25)
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“Bilingual means you speak two languages dumbass” 

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O MAN I HOPE THAT GUY WAS JOKING!!!!

 
Re: Gay?
  by koffeenkreame41-1   (Sun Jun 29 2008 22:54:45)
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Well, her bio on here DOES say that she is bilingual… 

Bilingual means you speak two languages dumbass. 
“Bilingual means you speak two languages dumbass” 

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O MAN I HOPE THAT GUY WAS JOKING!!!! 

————– 
I hope he was, to, because that was so damn funny!! 
ROTFFLMFAO!!!!!!!! 
Holy sh!t, I nearly pissed myself, it’s bisexual, not bilingual, how the hell did you get that mixed up? Oh, God, that was so damn funny. Bisexual means plays from both sides of the fence and bilingual means that she is well-versed in many languages. Oh, sh!t, that was funny, I can hardly finish writing this post. LOL!! 

Laugh you miserly miser.

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5 Replies to “Humor on the net”

  1. “Well, her bio on here DOES say that she is bilingual…”
    ———————————————————

    LOL LOL..

    Btw.. I speak more than 5 languages :8

  2. In that same thread, the multilingual complexity was also dealt with

    From the movie Ali-G

    Chomsky: “I would love to be bilingual. I would love to be multilingual.”
    Ali G: “Multilingual? What is that, with animals and stuff?”

  3. Let me take a wild guess. This guy who took bilingual for bisexual must have known Sanskrit. ‘Ling’ is ‘sex / gender’ in sanskrit. LOL

  4. Actually the exact word for Homosexuality is “Swalinga Samparkam”. ‘Swa’ means self. ‘samparkam’ stands for sexual union.

    1. Oh hi, it’s 2012. I don’t know if you’re still around, but the blog keeps getting hits from people searching for “swalinga samparkam”. I thought you should know.

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