“Can an atheist support Modi?” would have been the title of my piece appearing in a national newspaper. It’s primary purpose would have been to set eyeballs rolling and at worst, it would have meant the paper receiving complaints accusing it of liberal bias.
A few days on, a response piece titled “Yes, I am an atheist, and I support Modi” (written by none other than me under a pseudonym) would have gone viral, and everything would have faded to obscurity once the IPL playoffs began.
With this being my blog and not a national newspaper, I am going to talk of Modi only in relation to things that really matter to us. Girls.
Believe in god or not, Modi is godsend. I can’t think of a more effortless and winning icebreaker than Modi. It doesn’t matter what you think of Modi, both sides of the argument are kosher as long as the girl is in favor of Modi. In case you agree with her, you already know the name of the game. In case you don’t and air your concerns about the man and what his rise might mean to our nation’s traditions of tolerance and freedom of expression, she’ll still lend a sympathetic ear and try to say something to metaphorically smoothen the crease of your brow. In other words, you’ll have her whispering sweet nothings.
If however, she’s anti-Modi, then you might do well to just set your feelings aside and side with her. You know, just the usual thing you do when you are being smart and want to get in the good books of someone. You won’t have her whispering sweet nothings in this case but both of you will be bonding over a bonfire of Modi. #thankyouModi
Scenario 1: At the dairy shop
Trying to get service at a dairy shop in a Punjabi locality can be as challenging as getting the attention of a bartender on a game-night. All single girls living by themselves visit a dairy shop at least once over the course of a day. (That’s some free pro-advice right there.) So, once you spot the one, go up and say “Hey” and follow it up with “What do you think of Modi” and follow her to her room all the while talking about Modi. Don’t assault her when you reach her place, they won’t like it*. Ask her for her phone number and call it a night.
Scenario 2: Outside a restaurant
You see a girl who’s smoking a cigarette. You have a fetish for girls who smoke. It might be worth the risk to assume she’s a liberal and take on the conversation from there. Do not ask her for a cigarette and make a hash of it, if you don’t smoke cigarettes. There’s no need to “impress” her. You’ve Modi by your side.
Scenario 3: At a movie theatre
It’s budget Thursday. You cut a lonely figure at the box office asking for “one ticket please” in a tone that sounds pitiable even to you. You head up the stairs and take your seat. A girl heads up the stairs too and takes a seat a couple of seats away in your row. You reach over and ask “are you alone?” “what do you think of Modi?”
*this joke might be too risque for India where men are still in the Neandrathal age and continue to actually assault women.